Just One More Look
by RiverCity
Summary: COMPLETE - Alexis Faces Cameron's Death... ?
1. Just One More Look

Just One More Look  
  
February 11, 2009  
  
Alexis sat at the dining table with her daughter, Kristina enduring an early dinner. The morning had been exhausting for both of them. The first day of school for the average child was traumatic enough, but for Kristina Davis; it was a lesson in patience more so than anything. Nothing was more irritating to her than having to deal with grown ups who treated her like a four-year old in a six-year old body. As Alexis sat next to her she glanced over and decided it was time to address the situation.  
  
"So how mad at me are you, Kristina?"  
  
"I'm not mad at you, mom."  
  
"Yes, you are and how many times have I told you that telling me something other than the truth will only lead to more problems. I understand, Kristina. I did it again today and I'm sorry. I didn't consider your feelings before I acted and all I can do is apologize and promise to try and not do it again."  
  
Kristina sat back and crossed her arms in irritation then glared up at her mother.  
  
"Do you know how it makes me feel for you to always be babying me when I don't need it anymore? I didn't want you to take me into my class and introduce me to my teacher like I couldn't talk for myself or something. Changing from private school to public is not that big a deal. I could have introduced myself if that's what everyone else was doing. How many other moms did you see in that room? Now my teacher is going to treat me different from everybody else because you're the new DA and that's supposed to mean something big. How am I supposed to make any friends if they all think I'm a baby and need my 'mommy' to baby-sit me everywhere I go? It's not fair, mom. I don't do that to you, so why do you have to make me suffer through it?"  
  
It was practically impossible to hide the grin that threatened to spread across her face and further irritate her daughter. From the moment Kristina began to walk there was no stopping her. She quickly decided that she was an important part of this new world that she was born into and nothing was going to stop her from getting the most out of it. If a challenge lay before her, she worked until it was resolved. Alexis remembered vividly the day Kristina decided she no longer wanted the mobile hanging over her crib any longer. So before she even learned to crawl, Kristina learned how to pull herself up using the railing of her crib and then proceeded to reach out and yank the hated mobile down. Evidently it wasn't enough for 'mommy' to promise never to turn it on again and have a synthesized box of fake music pelting her ears every night, the whole mobile had to go. All Kristina needed to send her to sleep was the sound of her mother's heartbeat as she softly hummed her favorite lullaby. That sound carried her through the night and it was the first sound she heard in the morning when 'mommy' snuck in just before dawn to steal her from her bed only to return to her own for an hour or two of cuddling before the day had a chance to intrude upon them.  
  
"Kristina, you know I love you and I just wanted to make sure everything went alright for you on your first day at a new school."  
  
Alexis quickly covered a grin with her hand. It would no longer stay hid when she witnessed the most adorable trait her daughter picked up from her. Kristina rolled her eyes heavenward.  
  
"Did you need a 'mommy' to take you to work today, mom?"  
  
Kristina immediately saw the darkness that entered her mother's eyes as her smile faded from sight. She knew without asking what caused her mom to become sad.  
  
"I'm sorry, mom. I didn't think."  
  
"It's okay, baby. You know me, some things just don't stay where I put them sometimes."  
  
Kristina ducked her head and reached out slowly for her mother's hand.  
  
"I wish she was here and could go to work with you any day you wanted her to."  
  
Alexis squeezed her daughter's hand gently then reached for her and pulled her onto her lap. It wasn't often that Kristina allowed her this special comfort anymore, so for her not to fight this time told Alexis that her daughter needed her touch just as much as she needed Kristina's.  
  
"So do I, sweetheart. So do I. But, it's just you and me and that's enough now. Your grandmother is watching over us just like my sister is. And someday maybe when we both grow up some more, it won't hurt mommy as much."  
  
Kristina leaned her head down and rested it on Alexis' shoulder before whispering.  
  
"It's been a long time, but can we do it again right now? Can we, mom? Would it make you too sad?"  
  
Alexis wrapped both arms around her daughter and stood up pushing her chair back so she wouldn't stumble over it. The tears that threatened to spill were causing the room to blur. She leaned her head down and lay it against her daughters.  
  
"No, honey. It won't make me too sad. You go get the book and I'll get the rest set up."  
  
Kristina pushed against her mother gently until she was once again standing on her own then reached out pulling the hand that still clung to her own down so that she was able to gaze into her mother's eyes.  
  
"Thanks, mom." Before she flew off to retrieve the book she quickly kissed her mothers cheek.  
  
And the tears flowed freely down Alexis' cheeks. It was moments like this that she cherished above all others. When love was safe and kind. When it could not be questioned or maligned. When just looking into her daughter's eyes could heal her deepest grief.  
  
Five years. Five years and it still hurt just as much today as it did the moment she heard the news. He had gone back for her... he couldn't save his son... and he refused to leave her behind if there was the slightest chance she was still there. His life was the price he paid for caring about her. But wasn't that the way it always was. How many people paid the price for loving her... being a friend to her... being associated with her or her family? And would her daughter have to pay the ultimate price one day?  
  
Alexis walked over to her desk and pulled from the bottom drawer a small case. Opening it gently she pulled from it an old worn cassette. Holding it tenderly she retrieved the special candles that were always used for this adored ritual. Placing the cassette into the player she picked up the remote. Hearing Kristina return from her bedroom, Alexis waited until she was seated on the sofa then leaned over and lit the two candles that she placed on the coffee table. Just before she sat down beside Kristina she pushed the 'play' button on the cassette deck. An age-old aria began to fill the room with its sweetness and Alexis' heart once more began its tug- of-war. Such beautiful grace and elegance in so delicate a voice... to cry for the loss or find joy in the treasure... a battle never won and never lost. Her thoughts were broken as she felt Kristina lean toward her and place the book between them. Half of the book on her lap and half on her own. And there on the first page... a photo that had taken years to find. Her mother.  
  
A small gentle whisper reached her ears. "That's my grandmother."  
  
"Yes, my love. That's your grandmother. My mother. Isn't she beautiful?"  
  
Another whisper. "Almost as beautiful as you are."  
  
She leaned over and placed a kiss on top of her daughter's head. "Thank you, sweetheart."  
  
The page was slowly turned and Alexis' heart felt the grief all over again' the loss still so raw... still able to bring her to her knees. Another quiet whisper...  
  
"That's my Aunt Kristina. I was named after her."  
  
With a choked voice... "Yes, sweetheart. She loved you before you were born and I promised her I would give you her name."  
  
Kristina reached and lay her small hand on top of her mother's. "It's okay mom... you can cry. When I'm sad it makes me feel better if I cry."  
  
It was always like this. From the first moment Kristina became inquisitive about the photos that lined the fireplace mantle. Somehow she instinctively knew that the photos held some kind of power over her mother. She would reach high and point toward the photo of the beautiful red- haired wonder that was revealed to be her Aunt; screaming until the photo was finally placed into her little hands; her mother's cherished sister. Winnie-the-pooh and Tigger lost their appeal as another curiosity took over. It didn't surprise Alexis that Kristina would become fixated on the photo. Her sister always affected people that way.  
  
"I'm alright, sweetheart. Just having you here with me helps me not miss her so much. Do you know that you are a lot like your aunt? She was always going out and trying to do things on her own, just like you do. She smiled all the time and absolutely refused to let anyone be sad around her."  
  
"I don't like people to be sad either."  
  
"I know you don't. And sometimes that gets you into trouble, doesn't it?"  
  
"I can't help it mom. If I see someone is sad I just think you ought to try and say something to them and make them feel better."  
  
"Not if they are strangers, Kristina. Promise me you won't talk to strangers anymore."  
  
The first time Kristina walked up to a stranger in the park Alexis panicked and scared Kristina by screaming her fear and pulling her quickly away. It took a few hours of cuddling and talking quietly to her before Kristina could calm down following the incident.  
  
She quickly steeled herself as she vaguely heard another page turn. The one page she didn't want to see on this particular day. But, how could her child know the pain it would cause? How could she know that of all the losses in her life... it was this one that at this time in her life hurt the most? So much left unsaid between them... so much that needed to be said. Then... in the blink of an eye... he was gone. Lost to her. Leaving her alone... again. She didn't get the chance to say good-bye... never saw those beautiful eyes one last time. Eyes that could look so deep into her soul that in one moment cause her to run in fear and in the next want to wrap him around herself so she'd never be lost again.  
  
"It's Cameron, mom."  
  
"Yes sweetheart. It is." She couldn't say his name. It hurt too much. She silently begged her daughter to turn the page... to hide those beautiful eyes from her sight. "Not today, Kristina.' She silently pleaded. 'Please turn the page, my angel.' She wouldn't ask her daughter to go any faster through the beloved book... she knew how much it meant to her daughter to see the faces that meant so much to her mother... to hear the stories that accompanied each picture. How could her daughter know that today was an anniversary? A day hated by her mother. She was too young to understand the kind of grief that was born of a love that was never spoken of... a love that died before it had a chance to live. She didn't feel the trembling of her body as she stared at his face, but Kristina did.  
  
"Mom, why does this picture always makes you shake?"  
  
Hearing the fear in her daughter's voice chased her anguish back into its hiding place as she looked down to find Kristina peering up at her. Raising her arm she reached around her daughter and pulled her closer.  
  
"I'm just a little chilled right now, Kristina."  
  
She saw the frown on her daughter's face and knew that once more her daughter knew her words were not quite true.  
  
"If I have to be honest all the time, then you do too, mom."  
  
Such an intelligent child... so very intuitive. How do you explain to a child that there once lived a man who saved your life, saved your daughter's... who put his life in jeopardy for you... and refused to stop believing in you? How do you explain a love that hid so deep inside that the merest hint of recognizing it could send you reeling and running to keep it from taking hold and growing? How do you explain that life had dealt a woman so many blows that love became just another obstacle to overcome... until it was no longer a possibility as death once more tore her heart from her breast? She looked down at the photo once more and watched as a tear fell and landed on the apple of his cheek then slowly rolled down his face perfectly mirroring the next tear that released itself from her grief.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"It's alright, Kristina. I'm fine. I just miss him, that's all."  
  
"I know. I'll turn the page so you don't have to see him anymore."  
  
With that said Kristina lifted the next page and just as it was about to complete it's turn a trembling hand reached out and stopped it.  
  
"Just one more look, my love. Just one more look."  
  
And a child's heart broke for the sadness in a mother's heart. 


	2. Chapter 2 New Beginnings

Just One More Look – 2  
  
Alexis sat at her desk remembering the previous evening's ritual with Kristina. It was a beloved time of special remembrance of introducing her daughter to those that came before her... to those who were a part of her in one way or another. It was a time of calmly laying down the foundation of a heritage she would not necessarily welcome. Seeing 'his' face staring up at her from the confines of the photo album... so many memories... so many regrets... so many feelings trapped in the past refusing to release her from the pain of it all. And then... there was Zander. Once she finally released the page for Kristina to move on hiding 'him' from her hungry eyes, another pair of dark eyes... another beloved face... another loss that still tore at her heart. They were both gone. A beautiful boy who wanted nothing more than to be loved and accepted... and in the end through desperation born of indifference died tragically alone with no one to hold him... no one to tell him he was loved... The guilt she bore from that fateful afternoon haunted her. She could have saved him... she could have stayed with him and somehow made him understand how much she loved him and would fight for him.  
  
It was a day that Port Charles would never forget. Once the smoke cleared and the flames were extinguished, it was revealed that Cameron and Zander weren't the only ones who lost their life that day due to an old man's greed and bitter resentfulness. Nicholas still mourned the death of Emily Quartermaine who died from an injury she received from a falling chandelier. As hard as it was to accept her death it did result in the final judicial reward of one Helena Cassadine for her participation in the event. Edward suffered a massive coronary and died on the scene. His last words were for his wife. 'Tell Lila, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone.' It was too much for the graceful woman who loved so selflessly. The loss of her dear Edward and beautiful granddaughter was more than she could bear. With a heart broken and bereft she passed just one week later. Perhaps to Alexis, the most astonishing person to die that day was her former client and Kristina's father. Sonny went down with his estranged wife by his side leaving only the ashes of their remains. Alexis mourned his loss for a while albeit more so for Kristina than for herself. Her time of mourning Sonny had taken place months earlier when she finally realized that the man she fell in love with died the day Carly returned from the dead.  
  
Michael and Morgan were taken in by the ever faithful Jason and Courtney; who finally decided to leave Port Charles in favor of a more peaceful existence. Life in Port Charles changed that day so long ago. With the demise of Sonny and without Jason it was easier to put to rest the organization that had been such an integral and destructive part of the town for many years. Ric Lansing did the best he could for a while as DA, but finally decided he wanted a more gentle life for his family and started his own corporate law practice.  
  
Alexis was finally able to breathe easier with the knowledge that there was no one left who could threaten or steal Kristina. It almost seemed as though the fire which destroyed the hotel that day in February five years ago was the defining catalyst that the town needed to start over, washed clean of the chaos and ugliness of its most notorious residents. And those who remained slowly picked up the remnants of their lives and got on with the business of living.  
  
As she sat there remembering she absently reached for the phone that suddenly violated the quiet stillness of her office. With a heavy sigh she picked up the receiver.  
  
"Alexis Davis."  
  
"Natasha."  
  
"Luke?"  
  
"Yeah it's me, darlin'. I hear you've stepped up in the world. Good ol' Port Chuck finally get smart and hire an honest woman to clean it up? D.A.! Not bad, Natasha."  
  
She chuckled at his consistency when speaking of Port Charles. Luke. Much to her surprise, it was Luke who stood by her these past few years. Every few days he would show up in his inimitable fashion and check on her, and when satisfied that she was okay he'd take off again. He was never gone more than a couple of weeks at a time and he never allowed any questions regarding his mysterious trips. Luke was Luke. He lived by his own rules and didn't have the want or need to explain himself. But, as much as he tried to deny it; something happened to Luke on the day the Port Charles hotel burned. Alexis marveled at the man who walked away from that tragic fire unscathed. Luke as a compatriot could be an exasperatingly futile enterprise, but Luke as a father... After everything died down and he was able to finally walk away from the site... Luke walked back into his daughter's life... and his son's. Alexis wondered sometimes what it was that happened that day that changed Luke. When she dared to ask... in true Spencer fashion he would spout off a verbal litany of double talk that only he could follow leaving her none the wiser, but his eyes always told a different story. That day meant more to Luke than he was willing to admit. His son was saved by a man he now called a lost friend... but something else happened that day for him and he wouldn't discuss it.  
  
"I've missed you, Luke. When did you get back?"  
  
"I missed you too, counselor. But enough of the small talk, Natasha. I need you to come see me ASAP."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Listen very carefully, sweetheart... I can't wait for you to get through asking all those damned questions of yours. Just get here pronto."  
  
She sighed in frustration.  
  
"If I can't ask any questions, just how am I supposed to know where you are, Luke? That would be somewhat of a required question since I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks."  
  
"Alright. Alright. I guess there's really no way to do this, but just do it."  
  
"Luke, what are you up to? Are you in trouble again?"  
  
"No, but I can't say the same for you, Natasha."  
  
Alexis quickly leaned forward in her chair and rested her arms on her desk as a look of concern settled on her face.  
  
"Is it Helena, Luke? Did she escape? Or did we get lucky enough that she finally succumbed to the prison fare?"  
  
"No, darlin. The Queen of the Damned' is safely tucked away. I made sure of it just this morning. Look just get that baby girl of yours settled with someone and meet me up at the cabin."  
  
Heaving a sigh of relief, Alexis relaxed back into her chair.  
  
"What cabin, Luke? You don't own a cabin."  
  
An ominous quiet suddenly filled the phone line and Alexis slowly straightened again.  
  
"Luke?"  
  
His words were quiet, filled with compassion and horrifyingly unexpected.  
  
"The Lewis cabin."  
  
NO! NO! The word screamed itself through her conscience. No, she couldn't go there. Not after... She would see 'him' everywhere. And all the years it had taken for her to finally accept his death would have been for naught.  
  
"No, Luke. I can't."  
  
His voice took on a more gentle timbre.  
  
"Sweetheart, you don't have a choice this time. If I have to come and kidnap you I will. But this is a non-negotiable demand. You need to drop whatever you're doing and get up here. [I]NOW![/I] I need your help."  
  
"Luke, you know I can't. You more than anyone know what it's been like the last five years. I can't do it. Please don't ask me to."  
  
His response told her he understood; the crack in his voice took the decision out of her hands.  
  
"He saved my son... I owed... he saved my son's life. Please don't make me beg you, Natasha."  
  
He had to strain to hear her soft resignation...  
  
"Alright, Luke. Give me a couple of hours."  
  
"Pack an overnight case, Natasha. This is going to take awhile."  
  
************ As she pulled her car to a stop a heavy foreboding weight fell on her. As she looked through the windshield at the cabin in front of her, memories began to race through her mind. She slowly climbed from her car and closed the door leaning heavily against it. Just as she was about to straighten and walk to the door, it opened and Luke walked out.  
  
"Nice to see you again, Natasha. How's the kid doin'?"  
  
Frustration began to rise in her. He pulled her out here against her will and now he wanted to play nice.  
  
"Luke, why am I here?"  
  
"What no 'Hi Luke, glad to see you.' No 'How's the kids doin'? No 'Where you been hidin'?' Just 'Why am I here?' I thought all you Cassadine women were known for your sweet genteel manners."  
  
"Luke."  
  
Her frustration was quickly morphing into anger.  
  
"Okay, Okay. Come have a seat with me on the porch. I got a buddy that needs some help and now that you're the new DA, you just might be able to do this guy some good."  
  
"Luke you know I can't interfere in natural progression of the justice system."  
  
"That's what I'm counting on, baby. All I want is to make sure my buddy gets a fair shake. With you in the DA's office, I think I can put aside my previous aversion to the PC legal system for now... but, just this once though."  
  
"Damnit, Luke. Just get to the point so I can get out of here."  
  
"Actually, Natasha that was the point. My buddy is inside... I need you to talk to him, let him tell you his story. I'll grab your bag out of the car and set it on the porch here. Then I think I'll take a little drive over to see my little girl. Call me when you get everything set up."  
  
She couldn't believe it. She was sitting here staring dumbfounded at the old Luke. The one who pulled her into his fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants schemes; the one who created a mess then walked away.  
  
"Luke Spencer, you are not going to leave me here with a stranger. You are not going to pull me into another one of your hair-brained schemes. And you are not going to force me into using the legal system to get one of your crack-pot buddies of the hook on a charge I'm quite sure they deserve."  
  
She stood up abruptly and turned back toward her car and began to walk away.  
  
"Alexis?"  
  
She stopped instantly. That voice. She knew that voice. And it wasn't Luke. But, it was impossible. He was... She slowly turned around toward the voice with her eyes closed... the vision of a lost boy collided with the darkness behind her closed lids. Her head fell forward as the grief engulfed her again. She knew she shouldn't have come here. She knew it. It was too much.  
  
"Alexis, please."  
  
And there it was... once again. The pleading little boy voice she could never turn away. She opened her eyes and stared at the gravel under her feet. She focused on the sound of gravel being disturbed until a pair of feet stopped in front of her.  
  
"Look at me, Alexis. It's me and I need your help just one more time."  
  
Her gaze traveled up the length of his jeans and slowly up the leather jacket and finally up to the face of the first child outside of her family that she ever completely loved. Zander.  
  
"Zander?"  
  
She reeled at the sight of his beautiful face. Fingers hesitantly creeping up disturbed her sight and settled on his cheek. A sudden warmth ran up her arm and she realized it was her own hand reaching up to force a dream into reality.  
  
"Zander?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me. I got out, Alexis. I didn't die in the hotel."  
  
Luke was watching closely and saw her sway a bit. He caught her just as her knees buckled beneath her.  
  
"Get the door, Zander. And don't worry, she'll be okay. We gotta real trouper here. A little shock therapy is always a good thing where this little bundle is concerned. Gets her blood pumpin' good and strong again. She ain't gone; just dazed a bit."  
  
Luke settled her in the rocking chair close to the fire and kneeled down in front of her. Taking her hands in his he quickly started rubbing them fiercely between his own. The chill of them began to slowly subside. When he looked up he found her eyes staring over his shoulder. He knew she was staring at the boy.  
  
"Come on, Natasha. We ain't got time for you to fall apart on me now. Buck up and let's get this show on the road. That boy and I need your help. You ain't gonna take a flying leap on us now. Not if I have anything to say about it."  
  
"Would you please shut up, Luke and stop taking the skin off my hands. I'm fine. Why don't you go find a lake somewhere to jump into?"  
  
Luke looked back over his shoulder at Zander and grinned delightedly.  
  
"See, what'd I tell you. This one's always been a fighter. Just have to get her going sometimes with a shock or two."  
  
She stood up as Luke moved out of the way and stepped closer to Zander. Slowly raising her arms she wrapped them around him and held tight. She turned her head slightly to whisper... as she choked back the sobs of happiness.  
  
"I thought... you were... gone. I thought... I... lost you too."  
  
His arms enfolded her and she breathed a deep sign of contentment. He was home... the boy she loved like her own was finally back home where he belonged.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Zander. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..."  
  
"Shhhh... Alexis... you don't owe me any apologies. You didn't do anything wrong."  
  
They stood there wrapped in each other arms for a long while quietly reconnecting the bond that had always been between them.  
  
"I have missed you so much, Zander. I never could have imagined just how large a part of my heart belonged to you until you were gone."  
  
"I know... it was the same with me. But, I couldn't come back until things changed in Port Charles."  
  
She slowly and reluctantly withdrew from his arms and took his hand leading him to sit down beside her on the single bed that still claimed the same place it had the last time she found herself in this cabin.  
  
"Talk to me, Zander. Tell me what you've been up to, where you've been and why you need my help now after all these years."  
  
He got up abruptly and strode across the room before turning back to face her.  
  
"I was in bad shape when I left Port Charles. I thought everyone that I ever loved had turned their back on me. I lost Emily, you lost faith in me..."  
  
She quickly interrupted.  
  
"I never lost faith in you, Zander. And I never stopped loving you..."  
  
"I didn't make very good choices back then... I was angry with Nicholas... I hated him... but, it wasn't because he took Emily away from me. He couldn't take what she wasn't willing to give. He was just one more person who in the end betrayed me. Then I got mixed up with Faith and after that things really went haywire and suddenly nothing mattered anymore. I just knew I had to leave. I got out of the basement just before it exploded and headed out. When I got outside I remembered that my dad was probably still in there... "  
  
When his voice broke she rose and went to him encircling him with her arms again.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Zander. But... he... he didn't..."  
  
He pulled her away from him and studied her a moment before leading her back to sit down again then sat down beside her.  
  
"Yes he did, Alexis."  
  
She looked at him sadly.  
  
"I saw him, Zander. They brought him out. I was there. He didn't make it."  
  
He took hold of her hands and locked his gaze with hers.  
  
"Yes he did, Alexis. My dad is alive."  
  
She pulled her hands from his and moved away from him. As she approached the window she stopped wrapping her arms around her body before turning back to him. An edge of steel found its way into her voice.  
  
"What are you saying, Zander? That I'm crazy... that I didn't see what I saw... that he's been alive for the last five years and never once picked up a phone to say he was fine and not to worry. He may have had his faults but outright cruelty was never one of them. At least not with me; and certainly not with my daughter."  
  
Zander stood and took a couple of steps toward her but stopped when he saw the unbelief in her eyes. And he could feel the distance between them; the wall of protection she raised against him and the hurt he was inflicting on her.  
  
"I don't blame you for not believing me. I pretty much destroyed what we had between us those last few months before the fire. And I'm sorry for that. You did what you had to... you tried to help me the only way you could. But, you had family to take care of and it got in the way of what I expected from you. I was wrong. But, my family... or what was left of it after that explosion... I couldn't call you. I couldn't tell you. He wouldn't have wanted me to. I took him away from Port Charles and after I put a little distance between us and that place, then things started to make more sense to me... I was able to look at things and see that there was a lot that my anger and bitterness prevented me from seeing before. And I finally had to admit to myself that my dad did change after he met you. And I owed him. I owed him for not giving him a chance... so I took him away from Port Charles. I did what he would have wanted me to do."  
  
Alexis heard most of what he said, but there were pieces of it all that raised red flags in her head. 'I couldn't call you'; 'He wouldn't have wanted'; 'I took him away'; I did what he would have wanted'... Zander was trying to tell her more with what he wasn't saying... She met him halfway and looked deep into his eyes. So like his father... so intensely expressive... so unable to hide from her. She reached for him.  
  
"He is alive... Cameron is alive... but, there's something wrong, isn't there?"  
  
Her joy and fear warred with each other.  
  
"Yeah... he didn't make it out as good as I did. But... something changed yesterday, so I called Luke to help me bring him back."  
  
She clutched him tightly fear running rampant within her.  
  
"What's wrong, Zander? What's wrong with Cameron? I want to see him... I... I... need to see him."  
  
Zander took hold of her arms and looked into her eyes intensely.  
  
"I know, Alexis. I know you need to see him, but right now it's more important to me that he see you... or at least hopefully hear you."  
  
"What do you mean... [I]hear me[/I]? Zander you need to stop beating around the bush and tell me what's going on. If you don't I'm fixing to knock you silly."  
  
He chuckled then turned to lead her back to the bed and sat down with her.  
  
"Okay, Alexis. Let me begin at the beginning. When I went back into the hotel to get my dad I found him just in time to see Luke and Lucky pulling a beam off of him. Luke thought he was dead. When I knelt beside him and placed my hand on his chest, I felt his heart beating. When I saw him laying there... I don't know... something inside of me just gave up. In that moment I knew that there would never be another person in this world I would want to love me like I wanted him to. And I wanted another chance with him. So I told Lucky to make sure he was taken to Mercy Hospital and I'd somehow get to him there. I didn't think about anyone but him and me. Lucky started giving me a lot of grief about arresting me and then Luke was there and somehow he got Lucky to listen to me. Luke stopped Lucky from arresting me. When I got to Mercy and found dad, he was in real bad shape. Almost dead. He came out of it long enough to see me. He told me he loved me and to do whatever I could to make sure that you and Kristina were okay. As soon as I promised to take care of you, he let go and slipped into a coma. I don't know how long I sat there, but the next thing I know Luke is standing beside me telling me he has a hearse outside waiting for us."  
  
"A hearse?"  
  
Zander looked up and met her eyes and together they quietly chuckled as in unison replied together. "Classic Luke."  
  
Alexis grew still again and placed her hand on his arm rubbing back and forth a few times before squeezing it comfortingly.  
  
"Go on, Zander. Finish telling me."  
  
"Luke said something about owing my dad and that the best way he could repay him was to make sure that I got out of the mess I was in. In order for that to happen, he figured I needed to put a little time and distance between myself and Port Charles, but with dad in the condition he was in; Luke knew I wouldn't leave him. So, he figured he'd get us both out of town. We ended up in a convalescent home in the town I grew up in down in Florida. Dad had so many friends down there at one time that I thought maybe I could get them to help him. But, nothing they did worked. I got a job down there after a while and started putting my life back together and every month or so, Luke would drop in to check up on us and let me know what all was going on here. The first time he showed up we sat down together and discussed whether we ought to tell you what was going on or not, but with my dad asking me to take care of you... I didn't think it would be fair for us to put your life on hold while we waited to see what was going to happen with him. I knew you had already mourned him. I didn't want you to go through that again. And Luke agreed with me. We figured that if dad did come out of the coma then he could make the choice for himself. I spent too much time turning my back on my dad that once I had another chance with him... I didn't want to screw it up."  
  
Alexis wanted to scream at him, at Luke and at Cameron for leaving her to grieve for a man who hadn't died. She was furious that the decision had been taken out of her hands. But the sadness and guilt in Zander's eyes kept her still. He knew what he cost her, and he knew what it was taking for her to keep silent.  
  
"I'm sorry, Alexis. I let him down so many times. I couldn't do it this time. Not even for you. He needed [I]me[/I]... he needed me to stand with him this time instead of running away again. I couldn't leave him and I couldn't go against what he would have wanted me to do. He's my dad and no matter what happened between us before... when it finally mattered the most... he put his trust in me."  
  
She leaned close and pulled him into her arms hugging him close.  
  
"It's okay, Zander. I understand and I'm glad you two finally had a chance to put things right between you."  
  
He allowed her to hold him as long as she needed to, but knew he needed to keep a solid grip on his own tightly controlled emotions. They weren't through yet... there was more she needed to know. When he felt her loosen her hold he leaned back and took hold of her hands.  
  
"Here's the hard part, Alexis. It's why I had to call Luke to help me get dad back up here. I need your help. I need to be free enough to be able to walk back into Port Charles without being afraid of getting arrested."  
  
Alexis frowned a bit before encouraging him to continue.  
  
"You've lost me, Zander. No one is looking for you. All charges were dropped a few years ago when the truth came out. We know you didn't shoot Brian and Jax is not pressing charges against you. You can go back to Port Charles anytime you like. Of course, it's not the same as it was. You won't be able to get a job in organized crime anymore even if it were still possible. I would put you in jail myself before allowing you to get involved in that mess again. And just so you can breathe a little easier... I closed your filed when I took over the DA's office. There was no evidence to support the charges against you. So whatever it is you need to do, go ahead. You're a free man."  
  
"Alexis, it's not what I need to do that matters right now. It's what you need to do that counts the most here."  
  
Alexis finally lost her patience with Zander. In as much as she adored him, she knew he was hedging around something that was evidently quite important not only to himself but to her as well and all of a sudden something he said early finally hit her.  
  
"He's here. You brought him here. Zander, where... where's Cameron? Is he still... did he... Please don't do this to me. Just tell me if he's still alive."  
  
Her voice raised in fear and Zander slid from the bed and knelt beside her. He wasn't handling this very well, but he was afraid of how she would react. Would she still want to see his dad? Would she hurt him and not know it? Looking up into her soft eyes filled with fear, he knew in his heart that once again Alexis would come through for him.  
  
"Hey, calm down Alexis. He is here... in Port Charles. But, he's still in a coma or at least he was, but we think he's trying to come out of it. I think... well Luke and me, we think that you could probably reach him now if you were to go see him."  
  
Alexis stood and walked away from Zander. Her insides were shaking so bad she couldn't sit still any longer. Cameron. Alive. In Port Charles. And Zander wanted her to... to what. What could she do? She turned around to stare at the beautiful boy who stole her heart so long ago.  
  
"Why do you say that, Zander? What is it that you think I can do for Cameron?"  
  
Zander stood and walked to her. He lifted his hands and laid them gently on her shoulders.  
  
"Something happened yesterday. I've not heard a word out of him for 5 years, but yesterday he spoke."  
  
"What? What did he say?"  
  
"He called out your name, Alexis. My dad needs you I think. Will you please go see him? See if you can help him come back. You've pulled me out of so many messes it's a wonder why you don't go running from me. But, when it comes right down to the bottom line of things, you've been my cornerstone. When I left PC, and settled dad... I kept thinking about all the things you used to tell me; things that I should do to make my life better. I know it seemed like I never listened, but I did, Alexis. I listened to everything you told me and when I started putting a little action to all of it... I found out that you were right all along. I didn't need to look to anyone else but myself if I wanted to be really happy. If I put everything I had into something I really wanted then I would eventually get it. And what I wanted most was my dad back. I sat with him every night after I got home from work and I would tell him stories about the early days in Port Charles and how you always helped me and believed in me. I'd just sit there and talk to him for a couple of hours every night just talking to him about all kinds of stuff. But, he always seemed to breathe a little easier when I talked about you, so I kept on. Hell, there were a few times I even made up stories. Then when I told every story I could remember, I'd just start all over again. And I think yesterday it finally started to pay off; just like you said it would if I wanted something bad enough. So, can I ask you to help me just one more time, Alexis? Will you help me reach my dad? I need him. I need him to be able to hear me say I'm sorry and I think you're the only one who can bring him back. Will you help me, Alexis?"  
  
A sob left her throat as she fell against him wrapping her arms around his waist. She lay her head on his shoulder and let the tears finally have their way. As his arms closed around her she finally released the grief and sorrow she held secluded in the recesses of her heart since this boy and his father were taken from her years before. She stood in the warm embrace of a man who hadn't forgotten... who counted her words worthy enough to be remembered and shared them with the man who held the largest part of her heart.  
  
Zander stood quietly and smiled to himself knowing in his heart that he had done the right thing. She would help him. She always did. How much he admired the woman he held as close and gently as he could. He leaned his head down and whispered the prayer that sent him to sleep more times in the last year than he would ever admit.  
  
"You know, I kept telling my dad that I sure could use a mom to talk to every once in a while. I wonder if he heard me. Think I stand a chance of finally getting everything I've ever wanted? Think maybe it's my turn this time, Alexis?" 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

She rubbed her hands up and down his back a couple of times the leaned back and smiled at him.   
  
"Zander, I think this time we both just might get our turn."   
  
*************   
  
An hour later Zander and Alexis walked into the nursing home hand in hand with Luke following close behind. Alexis looked toward Zander and smiled before drawing to a stop. She turned to face him then placed a kiss on his cheek.   
  
"Tell me where he is, Zander. Let me go in first. There are things I need to say to your father that are private and need to remain between the two of us. Do you mind?"   
  
"No, Alexis. I don't mind. He's just down that hall right over there. Last door on your right. Luke and me will wait out front for you."   
  
She squeezed his hand then turned toward Luke with a twinkle in her eye.   
  
"You know… you and I are not finished with this whole thing. Not by a long shot. You've kept me in the dark for 5 years, ex-partner of mine. You are going to have to answer for that, mister."   
  
"Aw you don't scare me, princess. And before you go spoutin' off more threats that you have no intention of standin' behind… Doc Quack is waitin' for you to pull his butt out of the 'almost dead zone'."   
  
She laughed quietly then leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. Stepping back she winked at him.   
  
"I owe you one, Luke."   
  
"NO! Absolutely not. Nobody owes nobody nothin' anymore. You people are too needy for me. I'm through with the lot of you. Don't be pullin' me in to your loco lives no more. I got my own agenda and it's been on hold for way too long. You just get old Doc Quack back into the land of the living and that'll be payment enough for me. Now get your pretty little gams movin' on down that hall and leave me in peace."   
  
She walked away laughing and lifted her hand to wave at them just as she turned the corner and left their sight. Stopping for a moment she drew a deep breath. She couldn't believe it. Cameron was only a few steps away. He was alive and evidently wanted her or at least his subconscious did. 'He'll probably send me packing when he finally does wake up.' Well, he was never that easy before and I haven't changed either. If we have to fight our way back to getting him on his feet, then that's what we do. 'Ready or not, Cameron. The worst patient you ever had is on her way to your bedside. It's up to you how long I stay there.'   
  
She opened the door and peeked inside. The sight of him almost took her breath away. He was there… larger than life… making his bed seem woefully insufficient for the job he required of it. She tiptoed closer and sat down on the bed beside him. Looking down the length of him to make sure he was still in one piece she finally reached for his hand. The warmth of it infused her and made her blood race. Holding it tightly between hers she leaned down and lightly kissed his cheek. It wasn't enough. She needed more. Moving slightly she grazed his lips with her own and felt his breath against her cheek.   
  
"That's right, Cameron. You keep right on breathing. I have a bone to pick with you and I can't as long as you're way out there where I can't get to you. So come on, oh-thou-great physician. Heal thyself. I need you."   
  
She straightened up and watched him closely. There was no response.   
  
"You mean to tell me Cameron Lewis that you're just going to lay there and let an admission like that just float right on by without jumping on it. Come on, I expected more from you than that."   
  
She reached up and caressed his cheek. It's soft silkiness surprised her. Evidently beards were frowned on where convalescing patients were concerned. She leaned down once more toward his ear.   
  
"You know if you wanted to get rid of your beard all you had to do was ask. I would have divested you of it any time you wanted. Want to grow it back and let me prove it to you?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
It was faint… Almost non-existent, but she was so close to his mouth she heard his rasping whisper. Leaning down a bit more she lay her cheek against his.   
  
"Not good enough doctor… and not nearly loud enough. You want more out of me then your going to have to do better than that."   
  
She felt his hand shift within hers and looked up into the most beautiful eyes in the world.   
  
"Hi." She whispered.   
  
"What… took you… so long?"   
  
"You had a couple of bodyguards who decided it was in our best interest to keep us apart. You really need to watch who you save from now on. Luke takes his debts very seriously."   
  
"Alex.."   
  
"He's fine, Cameron. He's outside and I think maybe this time you're gonna like the man who made it his mission in life to take care of you until you could take care of yourself again."   
  
She saw him frown as confusion spread through his eyes.   
  
"Not… not dead?"   
  
"No… he's not. He survived the fire, Cameron. Just like you did. Both my boys survived hell to come home to me."   
  
"Both… your… your boys… Kristi…"   
  
He seemed to be fading on her… she knew he needed rest and she knew she needed to get a doctor into the room for him. So she reached up and placed her fingers against his lips to quiet and calm him.   
  
"You need to listen to me for a minute, Cameron. Kristina is fine and she misses you, but right now you need to let me get a doctor in here to check you out. You've been asleep for a long time and I need to know that you're really alright."   
  
He tried to raise himself and she quickly placed her hands on his shoulders to force him back down.   
  
"No, Cameron. Please don't move. For once please just trust me to know what's best."   
  
"Not… yet… need to tell… need to tell you… it can't wait…"   
  
She moved her hand to lay on the other side of him and leaned her weight on it affording her the ability to look straight at him and in turn keep him from having to strain to look at her. She placed her other hand over his heart and her heart jumped as he slowly moved his to cover hers. She saw him take a deep breath and waited patiently.   
  
"I should have told you a long time ago. Stupid… stupid pride… got in the way. Got so mad sometimes…"   
  
"I did give you quite a few reasons to stay angry with me, Cameron."   
  
"No… I didn't see… didn't want to see you lose her… not like I lost… lost my boys."   
  
When she started to interrupt him he squeezed her hand and shook his head.   
  
"No… please… just listen… please." At her nod he continued. "You fought so hard… every time I saw… saw you… another scheme or idea… you never quit. Made me feel… like a failure… and I would get so angry with you. You saved my son's life… and proved me wrong when you got Kris… Kristina back. I… I… sometimes I almost hated you for being so determined… more than me. You didn't… never gave up. Took every abuse I threw at you… just kept right on fighting… never lost your focus."   
  
"Cameron, please… you need to rest. Don't do this now."   
  
Tears were to close to the surface…   
  
"Almost done counselor. Let me finish… my closing argument then I'll rest."   
  
At her reluctant smile he shifted and drew another deep breath.   
  
"When I moved in… with you… I thought… maybe we could finally get past all the hard stuff. Nothing else was working… couldn't get you to see me. See what I wanted."   
  
"What, Cameron? What did you want?"   
  
He smiled slowly and caught her eyes refusing to let her look away.   
  
"I wanted you, Alexis. I loved you."   
  
Her mouth dropped open and miraculously she heard him laugh. How often had she longed to hear him laugh just once; without anger, without cynicism. Just to laugh because he felt like it... because he was happy. Had he ever been happy during the time they were together.   
  
"Cameron, were you ever happy? With… with me?"   
  
"When did we have time, Alexis? You and I never had a chance to find that part of ourselves together. But, can I tell you a little secret… just between the two of us?"   
  
She smiled at the twinkle that suddenly appeared in his eyes.   
  
"A secret, Cameron? That you want to share with me?"   
  
"You're the only one who could truly appreciate it. Come here."   
  
She leaned closer.   
  
"Right now… looking at you… I'm happy."   
  
She blushed and ducked her head. Moving her hand away from his heart she placed her cheek upon the warmth of his chest and breathed a sigh of content. His heart beat strongly beneath her ear and she felt his hand begin to run through her hair. Lifting her head she looked at him again and smiled.   
  
"Thank you, Cameron. Thank you for coming back."   
  
"You didn't think you'd get away that easy, did you? If not me, then who else is going to keep your life interesting enough to prevent you from getting bored?"   
  
"You certainly are equipped for that particular job, Dr. Lewis."   
  
Sitting back up she recognized that he was getting more tired. He needed to rest and Zander needed to know that his dad was finally awake.   
  
"Cameron, I'm going to call for the doctor to come check on you. Then I want you to get some rest. I need to find Zander and let him know you've awakened. He's been so worried about you."   
  
"Is he really okay, Alexis? Is he still in trouble?"   
  
Cameron didn't know how long he had been in a coma and Alexis didn't want to tell him just yet. He needed more rest first.   
  
"I took care of it, Cameron. He's fine and there is no one chasing him anymore. At least no one unless you count Luke. Someday you're going to have to tell me what kind of magic you performed on that man. But right now, you have to rest and I don't want any argument from you."   
  
Cameron reached for her and caught her hand.   
  
"Just one more thing, Alexis. I need to know something from you."   
  
She reached out and ran her fingers through his unruly hair and smiled into his eyes.   
  
"What's that, Cameron?"   
  
She watched him try to hide his grin.   
  
"Does she still like the cow?"   
  
Laughing she tugged on a hand full of his hair.   
  
"That was so not fair. You started something then disappeared and left me to face a child who all of a sudden couldn't resist certain barn animals."   
  
She pulled the bedsheet up a little higher and stopped when he reached for her.   
  
"That wasn't exactly the question I wanted to ask. Care if I try again? I think I've found enough nerve now."   
  
She stared at him in confusion.   
  
"Nerve. Cameron. why would you need…"   
  
He interrupted her afraid that he would lose his nerve and never ask her what he wanted to know.   
  
"Did it not mean anything to you when I told you that I loved you?"   
  
She immediately began to fidget nervously. And he emotionally backed away.   
  
"It's okay, Alexis. You don't have to answer me. It's enough that you're here."   
  
She watched him turn his head away from her and close his eyes. She couldn't let him think that it didn't affect her. It was time for her to open up to him as he had to her.   
  
"Cameron, look at me."   
  
She waited until his eyes were once again on her and she reached for both of his hands and pulled them together to hold between her own.   
  
"Do you know what I missed more than anything when you were gone? I missed your eyes. I missed being able to look into them and know that you could see right through me. You knew my thoughts almost before I knew them myself and I started to depend on that. I started to depend on you. You were always there when I needed you and even when I didn't. It was you who finally became my conscience when things became so fragmented in my own mind that I could no longer think clearly. You grounded me and kept me from losing my sanity so many times that I can't count them. You fought right along side me to get my daughter. You are a large part of the reason I have my daughter now. Without you putting your life on the line for me… she would be lost to me now. So when you tell me that you love me… how can you question if it means anything to me. Cameron, it means the world to me."   
  
"But…"   
  
"No buts… I'm not through with you yet. And I don't plan on being through with you for quite a few years to come. What I can tell you right now… in this moment… is that I never want to spend another day of my life without you being a part of it. And as crazy as it may sound given the ups and downs of this rollercoaster relationship we somehow got caught on… I've missed you… I don't want to ever miss you again. So, to that end I'm going to find your doctor and see about getting you ready to come home. That is if you're feeling alright."   
  
He reached up and drew a slow finger down the side of her cheek before dropping it back down to reclaim her hand.   
  
"Well actually I'm starving."   
  
Looking over her shoulder she spied her purse at the foot of the bed and reached for it.   
  
"Well I think I may have a candy bar in my purse…"   
  
Looking back at him they both began to laugh… she leaned down and gently kissed him then lay her head on his shoulder.   
  
"It's been quite a ride hasn't it, Dr. Lewis?"   
  
"It certainly has, Miss Davis."   
  
"Care to take another ride with me?"   
  
He reached for her and pulled her closer laying a soft kiss on the top of her head.   
  
"Why not? I didn't do too badly the first time around. Who knows what we'll find together just around the next curve in the road. Stick with me and we'll do just fine."   
  
Moments later Cameron heard the door open and looked up to find his son peeking in. He lifted his hand and smiled. Looking back down at the woman asleep on his shoulder he motioned Zander closer.   
  
"Hey, Dad."   
  
"Are you alright, Alexander?"   
  
"I'm fine, dad. Better than ever. How are you feeling?"   
  
"Top of the world, son."   
  
Zander glanced at Alexis then back at his dad.   
  
"You know she loves you, don't you?"   
  
"Yeah, I know. And she knows that I love her."   
  
"That's good. I knew she could reach you."   
  
Zander looked down and settled his hand over his father's.   
  
"I missed you, dad. Not just since the fire. But, before that. I was just so messed up."   
  
"I know, son. And it's okay. I messed up pretty bad with you and I hope you'll forgive me and give me another chance to be a better dad to you."   
  
"It's a deal if you'll let me try to be a better son."   
  
'I think that's about the best deal I'll ever come across in my life. I love you, son."   
  
"I love you too, dad."   
  
A delicate hand found its way across Cameron's body to cover the hands of her two favorite men and Alexis smiled. It was finally her turn… and Zander's… and Cameron's and somewhere across town a little girl smiled in her sleep as she dreamed of little puppies, kittens and cows; daddy's and big brother's and best of all her mommy who loved them all.


End file.
